


Return of the Silver Sloth

by AnotherDave



Series: Harry's Patronus is a sloth [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Crack, Friendship, Gen, Patronus, Sloth (animal), Teens
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-15
Updated: 2018-03-15
Packaged: 2019-03-31 16:54:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 766
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13979469
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnotherDave/pseuds/AnotherDave
Summary: How *do* sloths move? Is it still climbing if it's mostly horizontal?





	Return of the Silver Sloth

Hermione, Harry, and Ron are sitting on a couch in the Room of Requirement, practising their Patronuses. Hermione's otter is gambolling near the ceiling; if she concentrates, Hermione can tell where she has decided there are snowy river banks to slide down into swift-flowing water. Ron's terrier is sniffing seriously along the skirting boards and in the corners and under the couch and bookcases the Room has provided. Once he is satisfied that there are no rats - spectral, animagus, or otherwise - about at floor level, he zooms up to chase Hermione's otter, completely ignoring the imaginary river system she has created for herself. Hermione huffs at this flagrant lack of cooperative spirit and glares at Ron, who feigns hurt and says "What?" in that manner peculiar to teenage boys who think they're being flirtatious.

Harry's sloth is ambling along upside-down, hanging from an invisible but obviously quite intricate system of tree branches. Occasionally he hesitates before reaching for a branch that's just beyond his easy grasp.

Ron shifts his attention to Harry's sloth as it makes what is apparently a very tricky transition from one branch to another, higher one that seems to be a lot springier. He frowns slightly and clears his throat.

"What do you call that then?" he asks Harry.

" _That,_ is my Patronus, _Ron_ and-" Harry starts, with his shoulders suddenly up around his ears and his nostrils flaring, but Ron waves his hand in a vaguely placatory manner and quickly says "No, no, I mean, like, the way sloths move, what's it called?"

Harry glares at Ron through his glasses, still defensive, while Hermione contemplates the sloth.

"You know," Ron continues, "mice and things scurry, and dogs run, and horses trot and canter and stuff, but what do sloths do?"

Harry still looks a bit grumpy, but he's relaxing as he watches his sloth slowly move along a branch.

"I dunno. It's a sort of... climbing, maybe? Hermione?"

The boys look at Hermione expectantly, waiting for her to give them the answer. She shrugs.

"There's probably some minor academic scuffle over how to classify it scientifically, but I don't know. It's not something I've ever felt a pressing need to look up."

Hermione catches the boys glancing at each other in mild surprise and rolls her eyes eloquently.

"Look, just because I like knowing things doesn't mean I spend my spare time reading a thesaurus in case of impromptu vocabulary tests."

Ron mouths 'thesaurus?' at Harry, who is too busy grinning impishly at Hermione to notice.

"You say that Hermione, but then you go and use words like 'impromptu' without any provocation and ow! Ow! Stoppit!"

Hermione has started punching Harry in the arm with surprising force and expertise, making Harry burst into laughter and scramble sideways into Ron. Ron smiles fondly at his friends while carefully parrying Hermione's punches. The scuffle is over as quickly as it began, Harry slumped breathless with laughter in Ron's lap and Hermione sitting up straight and primly re-adjusting her shirt sleeves. 

"It's not that uncommon a word," she mutters. "Just because some of us read more than quiddich results..."

Harry has stopped laughing, but stays lounged across Ron's lap, gazing up at the Patronuses.

"Hey, Hermione?" Harry starts. Hermione glares suspiciously at him, but he's still watching his sloth. "What's the plural of Patronus? Is it Patronuses or Patroni or...?"

He finally catches the look Hermione is giving him and trails off.

"Honestly!" Hermione huffs, crossing her arms. "I'm not a bloody dictionary. If you're so interested, look it up yourself!"

At that moment, the Room decides to manifest a large, leather-bound dictionary about 30 centimetres above Harry's abdomen. He brings his hands up immediately, but only manages to send the book spinning corner-first into his stomach. He wheezes in surprise as Ron and Hermione burst out laughing.

"How are those Seeker reflexes, mate?" asks Ron, which sets Hermione off again.

Harry mutters about how it's not fair and everyone's picking on him, even the architecture, while he sits up and starts paging through the dictionary.

"Patronuses," he says eventually, having paused at the entries for 'palfrey', 'pantry', and 'Patagonia'. "Although someone's written in here that in German it's 'Patroni'."

"Anything in there about sloths?" asks Ron. Harry shrugs and hands the book over to Ron, who starts paging through it. The trio lapse back into silence, watching their spectral protectors dodge and weave about each other (some more actively than others).

"Sloths are actually really good swimmers, apparently," says Hermione after a while. "I saw it on a nature documentary during the holidays."

**Author's Note:**

> The swimming thing is true (https://youtu.be/T7HGSvczDA4), though I'm not sure what documentary Hermione was watching in 1996.


End file.
